Tuesday, January 29, 2008
PAHABOL: Everytime I find a reason to go on, gravity pulls me back into the reality of empty possibilities. I know this is suppose to be just about me, but I guess the heavier threads are pulling me again into pieces. Again, I'm sorry. I hope I can find other ways to heal.
It's a load off my chest. This is a very selfish act but I know this is the best thing I can do for myself. I've been serving the "institution" for more than two years and I've done enough. It wasn't perfect but I made it sure that I did something new or at least made it cool.
I'm very sorry for giving you false hope in the beginning but I promise to help you make it it through in the end. I hope you do understand me. This time I should be thinking of myself and what is waiting ahead of me. After all, I deserve it. It's time to take life seriously.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
I thought I was perfectly over it. There was enough time to ponder on the possibilities of giving it a shot or a final blow. But today, I found myself in the same stream of trying to put back the pieces of torn photographs I took along the way.
I stayed for quite some time in the 'cage' and now I need an urgent release. This could be one of the reasons why I'm rethinking my earlier decision. Another reason is the fact that I still have something to settle from the past before I can actually move on and decide for the future.
After my class, I went to a friend's pad to reinforce positive vibes. I always turn to this person every time I need a good dose of positive energy. He has the right moon to give that energy.
With good music, coffee and poetry, we had our attempts to figure out why it has to be this way and how can we make it better. There's bliss we feel despite life's inconsistencies.
Like the photographs, conversations like this will surely last because we had the courage to find something beautiful in life's cycle of coming and leaving.
*Thanks for the book and the Cd's. I'm still thinking about the ten days.