Healing in itself very painful ordeal. It is a long and tedious process. Sometimes, you have to literally clean your closet and take out unnecessary objects that will just compel you to be glued to the past.
Last Saturday, I literally cleaned my closet. To my surprise, I found some interesting old stuff that reminded me of my beautiful past, particularly, my high school days at Negros Oriental High School, the most populated secondary school in Negros Oriental.
For many, high school is the most unforgettable stage of life. This is the time when we first venture into dangerous fields that would only leave us with scars. However, this is the best time to enjoy and learn.
And I found these in my closet:
Item no.1: Photocopies of tagalog short stories and plays we discussed in our Filipino class. These include the works of Amado V. Hernandez and Genoveva Edrosa Matute's Kwento ni Mabuti, which is one of the first winners of the Palanca in 1951. Back then, I never knew these people. And I never had an idea of the Don Carlos Palanca Award, the most prestegious literary award in the country today. Any serious Filipino writer is craving for Palanca. (I might even join the competition this year. hehe) It's a shame for an aspiring writer to breeze through these stories just for the heck of it. But at least today I know my culture.
Item no. 2: An essay for my Values Education class entitled: Ang Umiibig. My god, kaulaw! Not because of my awkward tagalog grammar, but because of my puppy thoughts of love, yet most of them are just misconceptions. The love I knew back then is so different from the love I know now. That is all I can say.
Item no. 3: Certificates I received for doing well in class. Yay! This reminds me that there was also a time during my high school days that I actually did well in class and I made my parents proud! That’s what matters most to me.
Item no. 4: Wallet with all the names of my grade school friends written on it. I remembered writing those names myself. That was sort of my ritual to show them my eternal gratitude of our friendship before i left St. Paul University--Dumaguete City. When I opened it, I was expecting to see old pictures but it wasn't there. Too bad I might have lost those memorabilia.
Finally...
Item no. 5: My freshman identification card. Whaaaaaa! Cute! This item sums up everything. It only shows how much I have grown both physically, mentally and emotionally.
Whaaaaa! For the most part, the Lyde Gerard S. Villanueva in this identification card is no longer the Lyde Gerard S. Villanueva blogging today. A lot has changed. I no longer think the way I did before. I no longer act the way is used to. I no longer feel the same way like before. What I have been through in the past made me what I am today. The bruises that healed from my constant falling made me strong. The people I met and became part of my life's production molded me into what I am today. My family taught me the lessons I still keep today.
Life, as a whole, taught me so many things. My gender made it hard for me to live an ordinary life. But with the talents and skills God gave me, life became more colorful than just a breathless monochrome. I was not an exceptional kid when I was growing up. I didn't bring home medals constantly. But today, I know where I stand and I know where I can perform best.
Days from now will be starting my internship to different media institutions in Dumaguete. This is another test I have to endure. What matters in the end is not how much I have learned in class, but how I can put those into actualities. This is another chapter in life that I'm hoping for a graceful exit!
There is so much to learn in life and the process of actually learning is enduring. It intimately embraces falling and rising--like death and resurrection.
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